Reclaim Your Voice: Redeveloping Your Point of View
When you've spent years in survival mode, reacting to life from a place of trauma, you may find that your voice feels weak or even lost. You may struggle to identify what you truly think or feel, as old patterns of people-pleasing or avoiding conflict have taken over your decision-making.
This is common for many who’ve lived through trauma, and it’s a natural byproduct of trying to maintain safety. But over time, these behaviors can lead to a disconnected sense of self, resulting in anxiety, burnout, or even depression.
Detecting a Weakened Point of View
The first step in reclaiming your voice is recognizing the signs of a weakened point of view. Ask yourself:
Do I feel anxiety when stating my opinion?
Am I constantly seeking others’ advice, even for small decisions?
Do I avoid conflict to maintain harmony?
Do I feel internal tension after making a decision?
If you find yourself answering "yes" to any of these, it’s a sign that your point of view could use some strengthening. But here’s the good news: It’s possible to rebuild it, starting with conscious observation.
Rediscovering Your Authentic Voice
So, how do you begin redeveloping your unique perspective? Here’s a step-by-step process that I believe can help you reconnect with yourself and regain confidence in your decision-making:
1. Pause and Reflect
When faced with a decision or situation, don’t immediately turn to others for advice. Instead, pause and ask yourself: “How do I feel about this?” You might find it helpful to take a walk or sit quietly and reflect on your feelings. The goal here is to create space between the external world and your internal response.
2. Honor Your Gut
After giving yourself time to feel into the situation, trust your gut. What decision brings you peace? What choice feels aligned with your true self, rather than what will make others happy? In this stage, it’s crucial to shut out any external pressure. Remember, your feelings and choices are valid, even if they don’t align with others’ expectations.
3. Be Open to Feedback
Once you’ve connected with your own feelings, then seek advice from others if you wish to—but this time, do so neutrally. What does that mean? Go strictly off of the information, not the personal associations tied to the providers of the outside advice. Be open to hearing others’ thoughts, but recognize that you don’t need to agree with them. Learning how to disagree respectfully, without losing your sense of self, is an empowering practice. Not everyone will agree with your point of view, and that’s perfectly fine. What matters is that you trust your own judgment.
4. Let It Simmer
Now that you’ve gathered all of the information, allow your thoughts and feelings to marinate. Sit with the decision, let the options unfold within you, and notice what resonates with you on a deeper level. You may experience tension or stress with some choices—this often signals that they’re inauthentic. Conversely, options that feel calm, clear, and peaceful are likely aligned with your true self.
5. Make Your Decision
Finally, make your decision and stand by it. By sticking to your intuitive yes, you honor yourself. When you honor yourself, you know that you’ll be able to look back and remember a decision that you made, no one else. When you act from this place of internal alignment, you begin to build trust in yourself and your choices. Then, the more decisions you make, the more confident and authentic you will feel in your point of view.
Your Voice Is Important
Reclaiming your voice and point of view is a transformative journey. It’s not always easy, especially if trauma has conditioned you to look outside yourself for answers. But remember, reclaiming your voice is a powerful act of self-love and self-respect.
You may face resistance from others, or feel unsure at times, but with each step you take, you’ll move closer to living a life that reflects your true values and desires.
As I’ve learned through my own journey, stepping out of the shadows of others’ expectations and making decisions for yourself can feel uncomfortable—but it’s always worth it. I remember two key decisions I made about my finances, where I chose to trust myself instead of seeking validation from others. The result? Those were two of the best decisions I ever made, even though they were met with opposition.
So take a breath, listen to your inner voice, and take that first step. You’re not lost—you’re just in the process of becoming who you always were.
All my love,
~ Austen 🫶🏼
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