This Isn’t That: Finding Calm Amidst Our Triggers
There’s a quiet power in knowing we have the ability to choose how we respond to life’s triggers. So often, we can feel swept away by old patterns—emotions rushing in, the mind racing, and before we know it, we’ve reacted without even thinking. But what if there’s a way to shift that—gently and intentionally?
Awareness doesn’t erase our triggers; it helps us see them more clearly. And that’s where the real magic happens. When we’re aware, we can pause, we can breathe, and most importantly, we can intentionally respond—instead of reacting.
Understanding Our Triggers: The Past and Present Dance
The tricky thing about triggers is that they often don’t feel like "just a reaction." They feel like survival. The body gets caught in patterns formed long ago, sometimes in moments of childhood vulnerability or past trauma. These old programs were once necessary to protect us, but as we move into adulthood, they no longer serve us in the same way.
Here are some common triggers, and where they might stem from:
Financial Anxiety: Maybe growing up, money was a topic of stress. That deep-rooted fear of not having enough can still surface today, causing unease around finances, even if resources are plentiful. Unwinding that belief can be very challenging and that can cause unconscious behaviors around navigating finances.
Confrontation: If you grew up in an environment where conflict felt like a threat to love or safety, you might still react defensively when faced with confrontation. The body remembers what it felt like when connection was on the line.
Emotional and Physical Intimacy: For those who have experienced neglect or abuse, intimacy can trigger feelings of vulnerability or even fear. This can deeply impact our relationships and the ability to feel safety in closeness.
Leadership Dynamics at Work: Overbearing caregivers or authority figures can create constant overcommitment in adulthood. The fear of not measuring up can leave us stressed out, burnt out, and continuously chasing approval.
Social Anxiety: If you were often criticized or judged as a child, social settings might feel like a battleground. You might catch yourself withdrawing, feeling "on alert," or second-guessing every word.
How to Move From Reaction to Conscious Response
So how do we shift? How do we move from feeling like we’re trapped in those old patterns to feeling more at ease and more centered? It’s a simple but powerful practice of pause, breathe, and respond.
Take a Deep Breath: Pause. Take a moment to connect with yourself—one slow inhale, hold, and then exhale. As neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor describes in her 90-Second Rule, when we experience an emotional trigger our body elicits a chemical reaction that, if unfed by continuous thought, will naturally dissipate within 90 seconds. During that time, you begin to unlock choice.
Remind Yourself, "You Are Safe": I want you to remember this: You are safe. No matter what’s triggering you, your safety is not at risk. You’re no longer in survival mode, and you now have the tools to move through this with intention. (Caveat here: If this current situation has anything to do with emotional or physical abuse, seek immediate help from the authorities or from the National Domestic Violence Hotline).
Use the Mantra, "This Isn’t That": A phrase I often return to is "This isn’t that"—this situation is not the same as the one that hurt you in the past. Repeat it quietly to yourself, and let your body remember that you are not stuck in your trauma. You’re free to respond with awareness and kindness.
A Practice for Peace
I invite you to try this practice all together, as one fluid motion—maybe in the quiet of the morning, before you head into the world, or when you feel triggered in a moment of stress:
Take a deep breath in… hold… and exhale.
As you exhale, say to yourself, “I am safe, and this isn’t that.”
Allow yourself to feel the shift. In that space, you can release the old patterns and make room for a more intentional response.
The Journey of “Un-Becoming”
I’ll leave you with a thought in the beautiful words of Paulo Coelho: “Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
This journey isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about shedding the layers that no longer serve you. And each time you choose to respond to life with awareness, you release more of those old patterns and step into the peace and wholeness you’ve always had inside you.
Breathe deeply. Trust yourself. You’ve got this.
All my love,
~ Austen 🫶🏼
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