The Pursuit of Self: Unlocking the Purest Love
After experiencing an awakening, it’s natural to want to dive into new relationships, passions, and adventures. We see the limitless potential for love, connection, growth, and joy. But there’s one key ingredient to making these experiences deeply intentional: the pursuit of self.
It’s one thing to awaken to new possibilities; it’s another thing entirely to reconnect with who we truly are. This process isn’t just about knowing our likes or dislikes—it’s about reclaiming our authenticity, diving into the depths of who we’ve always been, and shedding the layers of old patterns that no longer serve us.
When we don’t take the time to explore ourselves fully, we risk repeating old patterns, carrying unconscious programs into new relationships, and losing sight of who we are along the way. Have you ever found yourself rushing into a new relationship, only to realize later that you were still carrying the echoes of old wounds? Or perhaps you’ve felt a sense of longing, only to discover you were seeking validation from another.
The reality is, we cannot fully show up for others until we’ve first shown up for ourselves.
So, let’s take a look at a few different relationship scenarios and explore what we can do to honor the pursuit of self:
1. In Relationship? Prioritize Communication
Awakening to your true self brings profound changes, especially in how we relate to others. If you’re in a relationship, this can be both exciting and challenging. As you embark on your own journey of self-rediscovery, it’s crucial to communicate openly with your partner. Let them know that this is a time for growth, and that it may require you to take space for reflection and reconnection with your true self.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding and respect. Be transparent about your needs, and be open to giving each other the space to evolve—individually and together. The more you honor your own growth, the more you can show up fully for the relationship.
Action Item: Set aside time each week for a “check-in” with your partner. What do you both need to feel supported? How can you align your individual needs with your shared goals?
2. Seeking a Relationship? Get Honest with Yourself
When we feel the pull toward connection, it’s important to ask ourselves: What am I truly seeking? Are we looking for validation, approval, or are we seeking genuine, unconditional love that we’re intentionally prepared for? The truth is, you are enough exactly as you are and true love begins with self-love and acceptance.
By spending time alone, we have the opportunity to gain clarity on our desires and boundaries. When we can learn to be comfortable in our own company, we prepare ourselves to enter a relationship not because we need one, but because we are ready for one. The beauty of self-rediscovery is that when we honor ourselves, we stop seeking love outside of us and begin to attract the love that’s truly aligned with who we are.
Action Item: If meditation isn’t already part of your routine, now is the perfect time to begin. Just a few minutes a day can help you tune into your inner wisdom, uncover your deepest truths, and honor your emotional needs.
If meditation is in your practice, try adding 5-10 minutes to your sessions. Why is this helpful? Over time, our bodies can become accustomed to a timeframe that we’ve constructed for our meditation practice, so by changing it up, we allow the body to enter new realms of exploration.
3. Relationship Ended? Time for the Cocoon
If you’ve recently ended a relationship, the temptation to rush into something new can be overwhelming. But sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is pause. In their book Liberated Love, Mark Groves and his wife, Kylie McBeath, discuss the idea of the “cocoon”—a period of deep self-reflection and healing before re-entering the dating world. They suggest a minimum of 90 days to reconnect with yourself and understand the patterns that have continued to show up in your relationships.
This time isn’t about avoiding relationships; it’s about ensuring that when you’re ready, you enter them with clarity and intention. Use this time to reflect on your values, your boundaries, and the behaviors that no longer serve you. By removing distractions and committing to deep exploration, you create the space for true healing and connection to self.
Action Item: Commit to a 90-day “cocoon” of self-reflection. During this time, allow yourself to explore your wants, needs, and emotional intricacies. Honor your healing journey and trust that this will prepare you for a healthier, more fulfilling relationship when the time is right.
Final Thoughts
Intentional love begins with self-love. By committing to the pursuit of self, we create the space for authentic and meaningful connection. Whether you’re in a relationship, seeking one, or healing from a past one, the path forward begins with remembering who you are and honoring your own growth.
Remember, the truest love is not something you chase. It’s something you attract by becoming the healthiest, most authentic version of yourself.
A quote I’m reminded of here is, “If you don’t know what to pursue in life right now, pursue yourself. Pursue becoming the healthiest, happiest, most healed, most present, most confident version of yourself. Then, the right path will reveal itself.”
With peace and love,
~ Austen 🫶🏼
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